The ping command is used only to tell if the remote computer is online. It has nothing to do with actually connecting.
I finally had to connect w view only for it to load.
Load what, sorry? What was that you wanted to accomplish? But just in case - if you want to use the "stand by" mode without actively connecting - just use the Logon command (available on the toolbar and in the context menu for selected remote PC in the connection list).
Also if I connect to them with control or only viewing. Can they tell when I do ?
Yes, the Host's icon in the system tray will turn red (from blue).